I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
