She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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