alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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