Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
