dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
now i know why i became what i already was.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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