Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
