So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
