Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
