i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
