I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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