hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
