I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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