Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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