I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
