he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
