This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
