The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
