The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
