Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
