So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
