I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
high people should be assigned attendants
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Mom said you looked used
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
