oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
