Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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