just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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