I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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