I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
