All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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