I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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