You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
