My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
