my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
