That's when you crack a 10am beer
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
