now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
