is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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