Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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