is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
