Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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