This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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