plz talk dirty to me
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize