yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
