look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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