just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
