my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
