I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize