Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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