3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
