I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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