The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
