apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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