I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
a search helicopter?!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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