It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Even the bartender felt bad for me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
