She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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