My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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