oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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