turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
