how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
