They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
