Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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