My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
