how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
