Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
