are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
accomplished twins. life is a go
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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