'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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