I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
