you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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