so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
