Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
