were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
