so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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