U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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