He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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