i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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